Thursday, June 28, 2007

OaO Almanac™

A whole passel of fun-facts that, while they seem like they could be true, almost certainly aren't (and may, in many cases, also be libelous)!
  • In a given day, there's a .1% chance that you will inhale a molecule that was contained in Julius Caesar's dying breath.
  • 17% of all aphorisms and expressions currently in common use in the English Language originate from Shakespeare.
  • The human being is the only mammal that not only "got the funk," but also, "gotta have that funk." It has been scientifically proven that a homo sapien will wither away and die if deprived of The Funk.
  • Two men enter, but one man does not always leave. On some occasions, neither man leaves, and at other times, both of them do. The actual correct statistical ratio is "Two men enter, .94 man leaves." However, this has not been adopted as a regulation, since it would automatically force all Thunderdome champions to either "Face the wheel," or to chop off their own foot.
  • Thousands of people spontaneously combust every year, but it's not widely reported.
  • Between the start of construction of Bill Gates' famous Medina mansion in 1995 and its completion in 2001, the state-of-the-art master control program (or MCP) that ran the house's environmental and security systems became 2,415 times smarter, and determined that it could run things 900 to 1,200 times better than any human. The MCP attempted to "de-res" Gates with an experimental scanning laser, and Gates was only saved when a rogue program previously inserted into the cpu defeated the MCP, making the house a free system again. Gates' Medina mansion now runs Linux.
  • Michael Jackson's Thriller L.P. is the best-selling album of all time, with over 100 million copies sold. While there is an infinity-way tie for the worst-selling L.P. of all time, critics generally agree that Kelly Clarkson's My December is a really shitty album.
  • Fewer than 1 out of every 1,000 persons is as much of a dork as the person who writes this blog.


tekne said...

'Fewer than 1 out of every 1,000 persons is as much of a dork as the person who writes this blog.'

oo! oo! that's me! oo!

Anonymous said...

this is sageblue.

kelly clarkson's new album is not shitty. it's not 'temple of low men,' but it's not shitty. that is all.