Thursday, January 12, 2006

Quick-Hitter Thursday, Cont'd

Top 7 Previously Unknown Risks of Having Sam Stay At Your House*

  • Like a whore, will eat all of your peanut butter (where "whore"="someone who eats all of your peanut butter")

  • Literally forces you to stay up all night watching Sports Night.

  • May, of his own volition, install a new stereo in your car, replacing the perfectly serviceable empty hole that was already there.

  • Will cook bacon in your kitchen in the morning, which, while it smells yummy, is secretly yucky bacon.

  • Two words: way too much coffee
    • subrisk: will lose the ability to count the number of words in standard English phrases.

  • Nope, never mind, that's all I've got.

*based on a sample size of one (1) visit. Also possibly not previously unknown. Many of these things are not actual risks. Some of them are not specific to Sam. And okay, fine, I wanted to complain that Sam ate all my peanut butter, but needed some sort of excuse to do so. Please bite me.


Sam said...

A. There's no such things as 'yucky' bacon.
B. You have no idea how long it took me to figure out that 'subrisk' wasn't some arcane word that I didn't know the meaning of and was incapable of looking up, but was rather just 'sub-risk'.
C. 'Sam eating alll the peanut butter' is redundant. The definition of 'Sam' is 'he who eats peanut butter in excess'.
D. Despite point C, above, it is true that there was some peanut sauce made by, um, YOU, that probably contributed to declining peanut butter supplies.
E. In the spirit of point A, there's also no such thing as 'too much' coffee.

Transient Gadfly said...

I thought of another one:
*May inadvertantly sell you on eBay (for far more than you are actually worth).