Every couple of years I come back to writing, to see how it is. Today it's because it's an assignment, but I'm trying to make something more out of it. So without further ado, we present:
-PORN* FAQ's-
Q: Who are you?
A: My name is Paul. I am 32. I live in Seattle Washington. Part of my life is spent working as a software engineer, presently for an unnamed, Seattle-based e-commerce giant. In the other part of my existence, I am a student at the Wu Hsing Tao school of 5-Element Acupuncture.
Q: Is the "unnamed, Seatle-based e-commerce giant" for whom you work actually Amazon.com?
A: No. Don't you want to ask a question about 5-Element acupuncture?
Q: No, I don't. Come on, it's Amazon, isn't it?
A: If I say yes, will you ask about 5-Element acupuncture?
Q: Sure.
A: Okay, yes it is.
Q: Haha! I knew it. Are you the same Paul Mariz with whom I (once worked/went to high school/went to college/know from that three-day artificial-sweetener-and-soft-taco binge in Manitoba in 1997)? If so, should I be worried that, as you mention that you are studying acupuncture, you have gone all weird and new-agey on me?
A: Why yes, I would be happy to tell you about 5-Element Acupuncture. 5-Element acupuncture is method of healing thousands of years old that...no, forget it, already I've become bored. Here's somebody who's doing a fine job of it already.
Q: Hey, you didn't answer my question.
A: Well first of all, turbinado isn't an artificial sweetener. But otherwise, yes, I probably am he. And thereafter it depends what you mean by 'weird and new-agey.' I'd like to think the answer is no. On the other hand, after going through roughly ten years of the so-called quote real unquote world (you know the one, it's the thing in which you're living right now, probably, unless you're still in school, either because you're, like, 19, or you keep meaning to graduate and get a job and just never get around to it, in which case, dude, I totally understand, I was there myself, and anyway, whatever, roughly the same rules apply), everything looks a lot different to me than it did when I started. However it is that we live these days, it seems to me that most of my friends and also me are just about getting to the point where we're wondering what the hell it's all about. I was under the impression that one didn't start wondering about these things until after, like, two kids and twenty years of career. But apparently these days we do these things on internet time. So that's what this blog is about. Sort of.
Q: Why is this blog called, "Porn," then?
A: The correct reading of the name of this blog is, "porn star." Get it? Do you? DO YOU? It is called this for two very good reasons. The first one escapes me at the moment. The second one was something about a naked attempt to get people to read this blog by associating it with pictures of naked people having various types of sex, which seems to be popular on the internet these days. But I can't quite remember it exactly. It was probably something about how I am, like, too clever by half.
Q: Despite the fact that you've written almost nothing on the subject, I'm really curious about acupuncture and want to be treated by you. Can I? Huh? Huh?
A: Well, it depends. First you have to live in the general Seattle, Washington area. Then it has to be some time in 2006 at least, since at the time I write this, they don't even let me touch needles without the threat of immediate expulsion. If those two conditions hold, click the envelope icon to email me.
Q: Isn't this supposed to be some kind of nature journal? You haven't written a single thing about nature yet.
A: In answer to this question, I offer you a Zen Koan. When you understand it, you will understand all (including how this blog qualifies as a nature journal): The student seeks out the master and asks him, "Master, does a dog have the Buddha nature?" The master looks at the student and says, "Mu."
Q: What the hell does "Mu" mean?
A: ...
Q: Hello?
A: ...
