Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A Brief Missive

Dear Jim Rutz,

Eating Soy did not make you gay
. You're. Just. Gay. Totally, totally, gay.

Regards,
T.G.

(with a nod to broadsheet).
Next: An exposé on textured vegetable protein!

1 comment:

Daniel said...

Wait, I thought that JR was saying that soy made ME gay. I mean, US. Like, gay people. I *hope* he wasn't coming out, because that would be a real shame for my team.

And anyway, I'm not sure that he's altogether off the mark. Since fazing out meat and introducing far more soy-based foods into my diet, I have become increasingly gay. Since replacing TurDuckEn with ToFurky several years ago, I've had countless more homosexual experiences, spent hours more time in gay bars and clubs, attended many more gay pride events, and decorated my apartment at least once. Soy not only makes you gay; it makes you gayer!

I'm just glad that a cause of gayness has finally been found (and bonus points for causality that I can pin on my mother!).

Not only has Mr. Rutz discovered a scientific explanation for the drastic rise in homosexuality since about 1870, but also the cause of a the recent PLAGUE of obesity and the very disturbing EPIDEMIC of infertility!! I bet if we dig deep enough we'd find the root of the soy industry...in Iraq!

In his spare time -- how does he do it? -- he wrote a book called The Meaning of Life! This man has all the answers.